


Press Me Up Against Your Lips

by KYotodo



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad English, Comfort No Hurt, M/M, POV Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:00:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26459125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KYotodo/pseuds/KYotodo
Summary: Visiting Pike was a mistake, and he had no intent to make another one.
Relationships: Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Christopher Pike
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [Press Me Up Against Your Lips](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26527486) by [KYotodo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KYotodo/pseuds/KYotodo)



Leonard rarely used drugs to keep himself awake, but they just lost two thirds of their personnels, and he really had no choice. He is needed as a leader more than a doctor, so to speak, and Leonard knew his limits, knew how far he can push without making mistakes that counts. So after the operation on Pike, which is the most demanding operation he ever did, he injected himself with stimulants.

If anyone noticed his unusual restlessness, they said nothing. They minimized the casualties and stablized all their patients, and now it's time for themselves to rest. Except Leonard can't rest. His body is still high on the drugs, and his mind is rushing. He didn't want to harass his patients, for they need rest as much as his crew, but nor did he want to stay alone. 

Leonard considered all his choices, and decided to check on Pike. For one thing, Pike should be still in coma, so no one would chided him for not leaving. For another, his injury was Leonard's main concern, and he wanted to observe more. He sneaked into Pike's room, and stunned when Pike spoke up. 

"Leonard?" asked Pike, "Anything wrong?"

"Why are you awake?" Leonard asked hastily, "Are you in pain?"

"The nurse just gave me some painskiller, so I'm fine," said Pike hesitantly, "unless you are here to anounce otherwise."

Leonard checked the data on the biobed, and found that Pike has been awaken for hours. Most people will sleep off the tiredness. Apparently Pike was not most people. "No, eh, shit. I didn't notice it's about time. You are fine. Physically, I mean. You should sleep, you know. Rest. Are you suffering pressure or nightmare? If so you should talk to CMO, which is me right now. Right. So how are you, Captain Pike?"

Pike frowned at him for a while. "Have you taken any break after my operation?"

"Briefly, yes. It's not about me. You. How about you?" 

"I'm fine," said Pike with an air of nonchalance. "Sit down. Now."

Leonard grabbed a chair and sat beside the biobed, felt like a little child been scolded. With a little help, Pike turned around and, lying on his side, observed Leonard more closely. Leonard tried to avoid the penetrating gaze but failed. He then stared at Pike, who simply raised an eyebrow to him. "How long have you been awake?"

Perhaps thirty hours or more. Leonard shrugged. 

"And why are you still working?"

Leonard shrugged again. 

"I see," Pike sighed. "Well, normally I would suggest you go for a run, but I'm afraid that you might have a stroke. And Jim--"

"is sleeping," siad Leonard too quickly, "with a little help."

Pike quirked his lips. "I take it you had no other close friend on this ship."

Leonard stared his shoes and said nothing. He did have some friends, but for now he's the CMO and he could not afford being found out high on the drugs. Visiting Pike is a mistake, and he had no intent to make another one. "I should go." He cleared his throat, "and let you rest."

"No. You come here."

Leonard stared at him for a good ten seconds before he said: "What?"

"You heard me. Do I need to make it an order?"

"I--no. Captain, but--"

Pike patted the bed next to him. "Get up, it's an order. Oh, and turn off the machine, will you? We don't want any unnecessary attention."

And Leonard did, because he's in no shape to resist an order. Pike grabbed his waist and made him straddling his hip. The weight and heat of his hand is enough to make him aroused. Leonard fidgetted embarrassedly against his hands. "I really don't--"

"Shhh," cooed Pike, "Try to relax, Leonard. I will take care of you."

"I can't," said Leonard, "And why exactly--"

"If you must speak," Pike was undoing his uniforms in a rather efficient manner, "Tell me how do you do it. Fast? Slow? Hard? Gently?"

"I'm dreaming, am I," murmured Leonard, "Shit, I'm having sex with YOU."

"What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing, it's just, surreal. Ohhh." He grabbed the bedboard to support himself,"I like this."

"I didn't even start, " said Pike with an amused smile, "You are much more sensitive than I thought."

"Did you think about me?" asked Leonard on a whimp. he regretted immediately. "No, don't answer that."

"Why?"

"Because it's gonna hurt," said Leonard. "Sex is good when it's only sex."

"Isn't anything good hurt like shit?" asked Pike lightly. Before Leonard could answer, his finger started to caress Leonard's length, and Leonard forgot anything he's going to say. The drug did make his body more sensitive, but Pike is--There's something about him strikes Leonard harder than the pleasure. It's almost like an A+ from a strict like fuck professor, overwhelming in every good way and yet leaving him insatiable. He's afraid that he might opened his eyes and found that he's in the CMO's office with every one in the sickbay staring at his nudes, but when he did open his eyes, he saw only Pike's ice blue eyes. 

And isn't it dazzling to have them looking at himself, like he's the only one Pike care for this moment. This idea pushed him off the limit. He bit hard on his bottom lip to prevent the scream, but the noise he made is still loud enough to make Pike smirk a little. 

He didn't stop, though. One warm hand kept caressing his inner thighs. He did, however, bring another hand to Leonard's face and gently touched his lip. "You didn't tell me your favourite way yet." he said throatily.

As there's no energy left in his body, Leonard obediantly lowered his head and kissed Pike gently. He could taste Pike's surprise but he couldn't care less. He felt the hand drifted to his rears and one wet digit circled around his entrance. He hummed encouragingly while shifting his hip to make way for Pike. He felt a growing smile on Pike's lips, and he kissed some more. He knew it's all wrong: wrong place, wrong time, wrong person. Yet it felt so good to have someone taking care of him. Making love to him. He needed this long before this Narade shit.

It didn't take long before Pike made him come again, and this time he didn't even try to stop himself. His voice sounds shattered in the still of sickbay, and somehow he didn't care anymore.

He felt Pike tuck him under the covers, and murmured something. Pike must understood him, for he laughed quietly and kissed Leonard's forehead. He said something, but Leonard was already falling asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Sometime during the night (or day, who knows) Leonard stirred, only to be lulled back to sleep by a gentle hand. When he finanlly woke up, he found himself in his own chamber, his uniform neat and tidy. His hands were cold and legs were weak, all those epic after-effects of drugs. When he drag himself to the bridge, he was informed by a too excited Jim Kirk that they will be home in a week.

"A week, like, seven days?" demanded Leonard.

"Well, it seems so," said Jim, "No wars, no missions. You wouldn't even notice it."

"I'm noticing every goddamned second on this broken ship," said Leoanrd dryly, "We are running out of supplies; there are hundreds of thousands of patients in my sickbay, and they need medical aids."

"We are trying our best, okay?" Jim sighed deeply, "Do you have any good news?"

Well, he just had sex and it felt so good. But that's not something Jim need to know, so Leonard blinked. "We are running out of painskiller, too, so don't you come and whine to me when you get miamed by some ungrateful Vulcan, again."

Said Vulcan turned around and protested immediately: "Lieutinent Commander--" 

"It's Doctor."

"Doctor McCoy, I did not miam Cadet Kirk--"

"And I did not say it's you."

"Wait, wait, Bones," Jim reached out to him, "You are CMO now, please act like a CMO in the public, okay? And he did what he needed to do, so please don't--"

Leonard stopped and stared at Jim, who pleaded with his eyes silently. Leonard rolled his eyes."Fine. My apologies. Permission to leave, Acting Captain."

He stared challengingly at Jim, who frowned slightly but said "Granted" nontheless. Leonard went directly to sickbay, and burried himself into works. 

At the end of the shift, he was typing angrily at his computer when someone knocked on his door. He raised his head and saw Pike, who is sitting in a wheelchair, and smiling politely at him.

"Nurse Chapel kindly lend me this wheelchair," he explained when Leonard kept staring at that thing, "I was informed that I can stay in my chamber by Doctor M'benga, who is very kind and caring, but is not the CMO."

"The CMO is busy filling the fucking forms," said Leonard, "And trying his best to make the most use of our meager medicines. Why are you here alone? You should be escorted to your chamber by some nurses."

"I'm speaking to my soon-to-be escort." said Pike.

"I don't have time--"

"Yes, you do. Come now, we shall talk." Pike turned around and didn't wait for an answer. McCoy cursed under his breath. He saved the files and abandoned his office.

"So what are we going to talk about?" He asked nervously as he walked Pike to the turbolift. He didn't want to talk about the sex or the high; that's why he sent M'Benga. He didn't expect to hear something about Spock.

"I heard that you had a quarrel with our first officer, " said Pike.

"What?" He squeaked.

"I understand that you are close to Jim, but--"

"Did that green-blood bastard complain about me? To You? Was he going to report me after what he did to Jim?" He bursted out angrily, and realized when Pike raised one brow. "Shit, it's Jim, right?"

"He's worried about you, Leonard," said Pike calmly, "Humiliating a high-rank officer on the bridge? When the crew relies on their leader the most? You are better than that."

"Yes, I'm fucking better than this; I'm better than the whole fucking military thing!" Shouted Leonard, "I didn't volunteer to maintain a fucking structure where some sociopath can throw person they dislike on some ice planet whenever they want with no consequence!"

"Leonard!" Pike chided firmly and tugged his hand. Leonard shrugged off his hand angrily but stopped anyway. He then noticed that Pike had stopped the turbolift with his urgent code. "Do you calm down now?" He demanded.

"Yeah," said Leonard unwillingly. "I'm sorry."

"We both know that you are not, so shut it." said Pike. "And I have no right to ask you to surpress your feeling for the greater good. I apologize for the bad timing; can we continue this discussion in my chamber's privacy?"

"Can I say no?"

"Of course you can," Pike restarted the turbolift. "But you need to talk about it with someone other than Jim. And I know how it feels like to be a chief officer: you can be friendly to your subordinates but you can never befriend them. It's not because you don't want to; you just can't let them down."

Leonard said nothing when they walked toward Pike's chamber. Once the door was closed behind them, he cleared his throat ans said: "I'm sorry I lost tempt at you."

"It's okay," said Pike simply. "Do you want a cup of tea?"

"I will go get it," Leonard fumbled with the replicator and came back with two glasses of water. "The caffeine is bad for your wound."

"Thanks," Pike said. Leonard sat down on the small sofa in the living area and sipped from the glass. The wound was so fresh: both physical wound on Jim's face and neck and hands as well as mental wound in his own mind. He thought Jim was going to die on the fucking ice planet, and it's because of him: It's him who smuggled Jim on Enterprise and he didn't stop Spock when he decided to exile Jim.

"I should have said something," he murmured. "To stop Spock. To--I don't know. I should have been with Jim."

Pike was looking at him intently. He said nothing, though, and the silence coaxed Leonard to keep talking. "I--I just. I don't know. I felt so angry with myself. I felt--I felt like I betrayed Jim. In every way. And I don't blame him for not backing me. I know I deserve it. It's just--hard. You know. To lose everything, again. And where can I escape to this time? Another galaxy? This.   
Here. Him. That's all I got now. And I--I had to see it slipping away, so soon. It's--"

He sobbed embrassingly. "Shit. I didn't mean to say this."

"Will you feel comfortable if I sit next to you?" asked Pike quietly.

Leonard held his glass tighter. "I--you don't need to." 

Pike crossed the last space between them and transfered himself to the sofa. It was not designed for two adults; they had to squeeze tightly against each other. It's so easy to just rest his head on Pike's shoulder, and Leonard did. He could smell the sickbay on Pike. Medicine--It's something he's familiar with and acutally good at. Other than that, he feared that he cannot do anything right.

"Is it always that lonely?" He whispered.

"Yes," Pike's answer vibarited through his body, "I can work; I can make friends; I can go explore the whole galaxy. But sometimes it still gets unbearable and I would find myself a partner. Those things, they were never meant to last; but still, they can keep my mind occupied for a while."

"Were you lonely then?" asked Leonard.

"Yes." Pike understood him immediately.

"Are you lonely now?" He breathed.

"Yes." Replied Pike without hesitation.

He kissed Pike then. This time he's in no rush; this time he had no excuse. He kissed Pike, and stopped thinking. He felt Pike caressing his sides before tugging at his pants; He felt Pike's mouth, hot and slick, sucking on his neck; He felt himself melting under those blue, blue eyes, and believed, for a while, that he's fine.

At some point Pike asked if they could go to the bed, and he picked him up without a second thought. He froze we he realized what he did, but Pike just laughed and tugged at his shirt. "I want to see those muscles, now," he ordered.

Leonard took off his uniforms in less than five seconds and landed on Pike's side, starting to undress Pike. He moaned when he felt bare skin pressed to himself; Pike smiled as he pulled Leonard even closer. "I want to taste you," he whispered into Leonard's ear, "and I want to memrise every inch of your skin, so that I could have something to think about when I'm alone in my chamber. Will you let me do that?"

Leonard shivered. "Yes," he said hoarsely, "Can I--How do you want me?"

Pike stopped for a while, absorbing this view. "On your knees," he decided finanly, "across my chest."

Leonard posed himself exactly where Pike wanted. He hesitated, though, when Pike grabbed his already leaking cock, and asked: "If you want me to stop--"

"I will let you know," said Pike simply. 

"Good," said Leonard.

But it's not good. It's not that it's not good--It's terrifyingly good When Pike licked and caressed and sucked the tip; and it's even better when he bite at Leonard's inner thigh while squeezing Leonard hard; but when he stopped just before the line and waited until Leonard cooled down a little, it became irratatingly insatiable. He tried his best to hold still and to not thrust, but Pike is making it harder and harder.

He's panting hard when Pike stopped once again and pulled him down to kiss him. He laughed amusedly when Leonard dodged away. "What's wrong, Leonard?" he teased,"Do you want me to stop? You could just say it."

Leonard bit hard on his shoulder. "You are insufferable," he grumbled, "I was just being nice."

"I know." said Pike gently, "I appreciate it, really."

"Well then show your appreciation!" 

Pike laughed again. "I am," he murmured as he circled around Leonard's entrance. "Give me another chance, please?"

Leonard groaned but got up anyway. "No," Pike nudged him, "turn around." 

Leonard looked at him for a while, but decided to not be nice this time. He turned around and landed on fours. He could felt Pike's breath between his cheeks, like he's hesitating; fuck him, it's what he asked, isn't it? 

He startled when he felt the lick on his entrance; it's not what he expecting, and he moaned loudly. He felt Pike's trembling breath and realized that he's laughing; he wondered, for a brief moment, why Pike laughed so much. But then he was drowned in the rising sea of sensation and pleasure. He felt overwhelming again; just when he though he get used to Pike, that bastard surprised him and short-circuited him. He felt so full and so empty at the same time, and as he helplessly thrusted his hips backside, he realized that he's mumbling.

"More, please, I want you inside me. Please. More...Want you. Fuck me!"

He also realized that his face is pressing at Pike's unmoving legs. The prognosis and PT programs rushed through his mind and was abandoned when Pike grabbed his long ignored penis again. He can't stop shaking during the seemingly endless climax. He felt the legs were moving, and the bed beside him dipped. Pike turned him around and kissed him fiercely.

And he felt nothing but content.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must admit that I didn't expect to be this long... Thanks for every kudos! <3

\---  
The contentedness faded quite quickly, leaving an enormous hole inside his chest which was usually filled by worries, irritation, and anger. But he was too exhausted to get angry now. 

Pike was stroking his hair. After a long day's work and intense sex, his hair was damp with sweat and sticky in strands. Pike, on the other hand, seemed to appreciate the messy more than his neatly styled hair. 

Leonard found it endearing; to be honest, he liked to be pet like this, which irritated him the most, because he shouldn't want this; And yet he's here, laying bonelessly on Pike's bed, wondering why he's here at the very first place. Why he was so reckless and foolish when he knew that it's so wrong in so many ways: he shouldn't have an affair with his patient at the very beginning. And although Pike was not his direct superior, they were and will probably always be in the same commanding chain. 

He figured it's because with Pike everything is so easy. He didn't have to do anything or be anyone else. He didn't even have to be himself: when he was high as a kite in the waves of pleasure, he blissfully felt nothing, unaware of the reality lurking in the doorway. He was taught not to escape the reality since he was a child, and now he understood why: it's because it's so easy to let go of all those painful things.

He should feel angry and disappointed with himself, but still, nothing but the emptiness. 

"What are you worrying about?" asked Pike suddenly, breaking the taunting silence.

It's annoying when Pike read him easily like this. It must be something taught in command track. Like, they are trained to look at someone and just know what they are thinking about because that's how you command a ship. Leonard turned a little so that Pike could caress another area of his shoulder and stretched his torso.

"Was thinking about your PT program," he lied blatantly. 

"You are thinking about work in the afterglow?" growled Pike. "Seems like I didn't worn you out properly. We need to fix this."

Leonard laughed despite his reluctance. "I'm not young anymore, for God's sake. I have limits." 

"You are not the one running out of time," chided Pike a little bit too harsh. Leonard looked up at him surprisingly. He reached to Pike's frowning brows and touche him gently.

"No one is running out of time," he said, "You are in good health, and with proper training you will be able to walk again in less than a year, I promise."

Pike was not looking into his eyes. "I can never command a ship again."

It's probably the first time Pike let himself showing the fragileness and it struck Leonard harder then anything else. He patted Pike's face to get his attention.

"Only because you will be promoted to admiral; and you have at least fifty years to spend behind a fancy office table until you finally get enough of Starfleet and run away. I'm pretty sure there would be loads of attractive young Ensigns eager to throw themselves at your feet; hell, even Captains. Trust me, power is the strongest aphrodisiac." he joked half-heartedly.

Pike rolled his eyes slightly. "It surely is not in my case."

"Why not?" asked Leonard. He sat up and straddled Pike's hip again, holding Pike's face in his hands. He always knew that Pike is a good-looking man, but looking at him this closely, he was amazed to find that, when he's not frowning heavily, those blue eyes and curly hairlocks and light smiling lines are actually making him very beautiful. He caressed those pale pink lips before kissed him gently.

When he drew back, Pike was smiling teasingly.   
"Are you bedding me because of my power?"

"No, you idiot," drawled Leonard, "I'm bedding you because I want to get fucked."

Pike drew his brows together again. "You were saying this earlier, " he said slowly, "Do you mean it?" 

Leonard blinked. He didn't mean it seriously; he liked the direct stimulation applied to his prostate, but he never tried something more than one finger. But it sounded tempting when Pike pointed it out, because Pike never failed him when it comes to sex. He wetted his lips and nodded: "Yeah. I'm curious."

If anything, Pike frowned heavier."You've never done this before?"

"Nothing more than a finger," Leonard said as casually as he can, "I presume you are experienced?"

Pike was watching him with a weird look. "Yes," he said lightly.

Leonard cocked one eyebrow. "I understand if you prefer an experienced partner."

"I don't have a preference," said Pike flatly, "I was just--surprised."

"In a good way, I hope," growled Leonard. 

Pike huffed. "You don't strike me as the adventurous type, that's all," he pulled Leonard closer. "What about your limits?" 

Leonard shrugged. "I don't think I can come again tonight."

"And?"

"And I think it's better done this way in no urgency," he said impatiently, "Unless, of course, you prefer otherwise."

"I want you to enjoy it," said Pike. "It will hurt to be penetrated; and it's also torturing to not be able to reach the climax. It's not--"

"I KNOW it, okay? I'm a fucking doctor!" growled Leonard. "But it's not about pleasure, I just want--"

He stopped abruptly. Pike raised his eyebrows expectantly. 

"Forget it," Leonard sat up. "I should go."

"Leonard," said Pike.

Leonard climbed off the bed and started to dress up himself. The uniform felt cold and stiff against his skin, especially when there's drained fluid over his abdomen. But the overwhelming emotion is much more embarrassing; he didn't want to feel anything but pleasure, yet he can't stop himself from getting attached to Pike: the way he give orders in bed, the way he cared about Leonard and looked at Leonard like he's the only thing matters, and the way he put Leonard's need in the first place. 

He was born this way; born to fell in love when he felt being loved. For him, sex is never just sex. At the very least, he had to trust someone with his life before he could let go of his paranoid and exposed himself so completely. But that's not the end of it; it always lead to feelings. Feelings that will grow no matter how hard he tried suppress. Feelings that were doomed to be unrequited. Feelings that will hurt, is hurting, and hurt so much.

He was putting his shoes on when he heard Pike said stiffly: "If you must leave, please get my wheelchair before you go."

"Shit, I'm sorry," Leonard jumped and rushed to the living area and found the abandoned wheelchair. He returned to the bed where Pike leaned back against the pillow. "Thank you, and my PADD, please," he nodded toward the table on the other side of the living room.

Leonard got that too. Then the small medkit in the washroom. "Anything else, your Majesty?" he drawled when Pike took the medkit.

"Yes, you." said Pike.

"I'm leaving," said Leonard stiffly.

"Not before I'm done with you, Lieutenant Commander," said Pike firmly. He fumbled a tube of lubricant out of the medkit. "You will be dismissed when I'm satisfied. Take your time, but remember: the more you delay, the later you can leave."

Leonard stared at him incredulously. He hated people pulling rank, but Pike was-- Pike was so fucking hot when he acts like that. Plus, he did want to be stretched open by Pike, to feel the burning sensation hours even days after he left. And he knew that if he stays, if he lets Pike do this to him, the one-sided bonding will only get stronger, and it will hurt more when this ends inevitably.

He really, really needed to be wise and leave right now. He didn't.

Pike smiled approvingly when the uniform dropped on the ground the second time this night. Leonard landed on fours once again and waited nervously, hearing noises Pike made and guessing what's happening. Pike didn't say a word when he pressed his digit in Leonard's entrance.

The first finger went easily albeit cold and uncomfortable. Leonard stayed still when Pike toyed the sweet point. The electricity ran through his body and the pressure was building in his stomach, which is not a pleasant feeling right now. He made himself focused on the calloused fingers rested on his cheeks. They were also lubricated. He wondered how many of them will end inside his ass.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Pike.

"No-nothing." He mumbled as another wave of pleasure rushed through his nerve systems.

He was surprised when Pike spanked him. "Try again, Lieutenant Commander," said Pike coolly. Leonard swallowed. "Your fingers, Sir."

"My fingers?"

"How many--are you going to--"

"You will know," said Pike slightly amused. "Why, are you impatient now?"

Leonard bit his bottom lip and said nothing. Another sound spanking; "Answer me, Lieutenant Commander."

Leonard grabbed a handful of sheets. "No, Sir."

"Then why are you asking?"

"I didn't. You asked!" growled Leonard. That, of course, earned him another spanking.

"You are terrible at obeying orders, are you not?" Pike tsked, "Because you think you are so smart, that every one else is idiot. Have you not learnt your lesson?"

"What?" Leonard panted confusingly.

"That you are a human," another spanking, "that you make mistakes," another, "and you are not responsible for everything."

Leonard closed his eyes as tears welling up in his eyes. He felt even more exposed but strangely safe at the same time. Pike allowed several minutes before he pushed the second digit through the muscle ring. Leonard shouted in surprise.

"On the sale of 10, how much does it hurt?" he asked calmly.

Leonard took a deep breathe through his nose. The tearing pain stabilized his emotions like an anchor. "Four. But I can take it."

"Good," said Pike. As he slowly pushed his fingers deeper, the pain got worse. Leonard bit hard on his bottom lip and tried his best to relax. After what looks like a thousand years he finally felt the base of the fingers touching his entrance.

"You did a good job," said Pike soothingly, "And you look beautiful like this, you cheeks reddened and hole stretched." He started to pull his fingers out and thrust them back; Leonard was panting heavily as he tried hard to get use of the feeling of two fingers inside his body. His brain was not functioning when Pike asked: "Do you want to take a look at what you achieved?"

"Yes?" he said mindlessly.

He felt Pike shifted behind him and stopped for a while. He took the opportunity to compose himself, and was stunned when he heard a familiar sound of taking photos. Before he can react, Pike was thrusting his fingers again and hit the prostate precisely. The sudden mixing sensation of pain and pleasure destroyed Leonard's defense and made him moan loudly. 

He felt Pike nudge his legs apart and pushed his hips even higher. His genital, which was safely hanged between his legs, now was exposed to the cold air. "Yes, like this," Pike sounded breathless, "Beautiful. Swing your hips for me like the sweet slut you are, will you? Yessss. You are really a piece of work, Lieutenant Commander. Who would suspect there's such a slut under this spotless mask of an expert doctor? "

Leonard whimpered at those words. "Please..." he mumbled. His cock twitched in vain.

"Please what?" asked Pike.

Leonard didn't know. He can only repeat the word again and again, trusting Pike to read his mind and give him what he needs like always. He heard a chuckle. "I will give you what you want, " the rich voice of Pike was evilly and yet so endearingly, "but you have to answer one question."

"Yes," he slurred.

"What's this about?" asked Pike quietly. 

Leonard was confused at first. He froze when he realized what the real question is. Pike didn't urge him; he even slowed the pace so that he could think more clearly.

"It's not fair," Leonard grumbled. "You don't interrogate your partner." 

"That's me, " answered Pike.

"Fuck you," cursed Leonard.

Pike laughed. "You don't get the situation, do you? You are not in charge here." The fingers were gone, and Leonard felt Pike pressed closer. he turned his head and saw the PADD in Pike's hand. He clicked somewhere, and Leonard's own moan came over. He then passed the PADD to Leonard.

Leonard stared Pike in disbelief. "You are a fucking pervert," he mouthed. But he didn't panic. Perhaps his common sense died long before he came to Pike's bed. He watched himself begging wantonly for a good five seconds before he resigned. "Delete it, and I'll tell."

"That's my good soldier," said Pike. He deleted the video, but Leonard saw some more pictures left. He rolled his eyes. "And the pictures. All of them."

"Only after you tell me what you want." said Pike.

Leonard sighed. "I want to feel you when I'm modifying those goddamned supply request forms for a thousand times. There, satisfied?"

"Try again," said Pike.

"That's the truth!" said Leonard indignantly.

"No," said Pike sternly. "Leonard, don't lie to me."

Leonard wetted his lips. His eyes were stinging again. "I--I want you to mark me." He whispered.

"And?"

"That's all." said Leonard stubbornly. 

Pike huffed. "Don't lie to me, Lieutenant Commander."

"I'm not your fucking captives!" Leonard cried out. "Why don't YOU tell me what do you want? A fuck toy? To prove that you are still in charge? Why can't you leave my mind alone? It's supposed to be a no string thing!"

Pike's face was cold and grave. Leonard thought he was going to throw him out but instead, Pike insisted: "Doesn't mean that we could not care about each other."

Leonard sighed resignedly. "I can care about you as a friend," he said finally, "or I can fuck you like a slut. But I can't do both at the same time."

"Why?"

He closed his eyes. "Because my brain will get confused," he admitted.

He felt a hand buried in his hair. "And then it hurts," said Pike.

"Yes," he agreed weakly.

"There's a pen in my drawer," Pike whispered, his voice incredibly close, "real pen, real ink. My father gave me on my 18th birthday. I use it to sign important forms."

Leonard peeked open his eyes. Pike was laying beside him, watching him with the same weird look he noticed before. "I want to sign my name on your skin and take a picture."

Leonard's heart jumped frantically. "Where?"

Pike lowered his eyes and Leonard could felt the caress of his intense gaze from his chest to his legs. "Everywhere," Pike whispered, his eyes returned to Leonard's face, "can I?"

Leonard almost agreed on the spot but held himself. "Why?"

"Do you have to ask?" asked Pike.

"Yes," said Leonard. A stroke of courage came out of nowhere filled his chest. "I need to hear the words. I need you to say it. Please."

And just like that, Pike gave in. "Because I want you to be mine," whispered Pike. "for however long you allow."

The echoing emotion was so strong that Leonard had to close his eyes. "Yes," he murmured, "I want to be yours." He cleared his throat and corrected himself. "I am yours." He must be dreaming, ir Pike was just being nice, but it's okay. Everything came to an end, but before the inevitability, he will enjoy as much as he can. "I will go get the pen."

And he kept the signature all day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some angst haha... because I like angst *wink*

Jim found Leonard at breakfast several days later. Leonard was reading reports when Jim sat down; he didn't even raise his head.

"We will be arriving in Yorktown in two days," said Jim, "we can repair our warp core there; it will take up to three hours, then we will be home in seconds."

"Good," said Leonard mindlessly.

"Are you mad at me?" asked Jim abruptly.

"No."

"You are mad at me," Jim concluded. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have treated you like that. I thought I was acting like a Captain, but I'm just being an asshole. I'm sorry."

Leonard sighed and lowered his PADD. "Jim, you are not the one who needs to apologize. I lost control, you did what you needed to do, that's fine." 

"Then why are you avoiding me?" he accused.

"I didn't," Leonard looked back at his PADD. "I was just too busy. You may find the trip boring, but I have an overloaded sickbay to take care of."

"But you had enough time to check on Pike," said Jim out of cold.

Leonard almost reached for his shoulder to cover the still stinging bite marks. The signature as well as the throbbing pain wore off days ago, but they were replaced by bite marks and hickeys. They didn't discuss their arrangement in detail but Pike never left any mark couldn't covered by the uniform. He tightened his hold on the PADD and said: "He's my patient."

"How dedicated you are," said Jim drily, "Why didn't I find you in my humble non-Captain chamber very often? I'm emotionally wounded, really."

Leonard rolled his eyes so hard it hurt. "You are the one running out of sickbay like your ass's on fire even when you are blowing like a balloon; but, if you insist, I can arrange a physical examination for you this afternoon--"

"No, thank you very much," Jim interrupted. 

Leonard huffed heavily and stood up. "Well then, I have work to do, Captain."

Jim hesitated. "Just-- you know I will always be your friend, right?" His voice was so quiet as if he feared that Leonard would say no. Leonard wanted to roll his eyes again. "You idiot," he drawled, "You are buying the first two rounds when we are home." 

With that, he left the diner.  
\---  
His lungs were filled by a certain sweet aroma that Pike refused to have anything to do with; he found the odor as addictive as Pike's touch. He closed his eyes, and all sensations other than the scent faded; he let himself drifted into this scent, forgetting the fluids on his abdomen, the warmth on his side and the tiredness in his limbs.

The past few days were stressful: his suffocating workload and straning relationship with Jim aside, he didn't sleep enough or get fed enough, nor did he had time to exercise. Everything was terrible, yet he bizarrely felt like on vacation. The dull, blurry messy outside Pike's chamber was like a nightmare which he couldn't remember any detail afterwards; and when he's in bed with Pike, everything was slow, vivid and bright, embraced by semi-solidified amber-like air. 

And he was scared.

Before his mind wandered too afar, Pike gently tugged at his hair and Leonard was back to reality reluctantly. He mumbled his apology and kissed Pike briefly. "You look tired," Pike observed.

"Because I'm tired," grumbled Leonard. "I was thinking of you all day."

Pike smiled. "And I, you." 

"Are you real?" Leonard pondered, "I can't shake the thought."

Pike quirked an eyebrow. "Do you want this to be a dream?"

Leonard stared at the ceilings for a long moment before he answered: "I don't know."

Pike stroked his hair gently. "I can be a dream if you wish," he said quietly, "Close your eyes and take a nap. I will disappear when you wake up."

Leonard laughed bitterly. "You will disappear when we are back to earth anyway." And it's probably the only thing keeping him sane that this will end sooner than later. 

Pike kept stroking Leonard's hair and said nothing. 

"I still can't understand why I'm here," Leonard went on, "If this is not a dream, then I must lose my mind. Hell, you might even be an illusion and I'm actually laying on a biobed."

"If so," Pike sounded more amused than offended, "then they will sent Spock to wake you up."

Leonard shivered. "No, heck, no!"

"Perhaps he's on his way now," Pike ignored his protest and went on, "Perhaps he's standing beside your biobed and saying: My mind to your--"

"Shut up," Leonard covered his mouth awkwardly, "Don't talk about other people in bed!"

Pike laughed and pulled him close to kiss him. Leonard struggled to sat up. "Why do you laugh so much?" he asked warily, "I didn't even see you smile before, and suddenly you are laughing all the time."

"I am happy," said Pike, "You made me happy."

Leonard pursed his lips. "What?" said Pike more seriously, "I'm not laughing at you."

"I know," said Leonard. "You confused me."

"Well," Pike tilted his head. "in a good way, I hope."

The nonchalant attitude is what confused Leonard the most, but it's really none of his business. He picked up the lubricant and passed it to Pike. "Where were we?"

"Ready for round two so soon?" teased Pike.

"No," said Leonard. "But I don't want to waste time anymore."

Pike put the lubricant away. "Pillow talk is hardly wasting time, I must say. But if you insist, how about this: I will tell you one of my most bizarre fantasies if you tell me what you were thinking about."

"Chris, we really don't interrogate our partners," said Leonard annoyed.

"I'd say it's more like a bribe," argued Pike. "Come on, Leonard. You'll not be disappointed, I promise."

Leonard rolled his eyes but lay back down beside Pike nonetheless. Strong arms enclosed him immediately. He turned his back to Pike stubbornly. "It's stupid. Don't get offended, okay?"

"I will not."

"I was thinking, well, did you say that to each one of your partner? That they make you happy?"

Pike was quiet for a second before he answered:"Why would I bed someone who makes me unhappy?" 

"So that's a yes."

"Yes. Does it annoy you?"

"No," lied Leonard. Pike kissed his visage almost apologetic but said nothing. "Do you still want to hear my darkest secret?"

"Darkest, erh?" Leonard forced a smile on his face. "Think you can surprise a doctor?"

"No, it's not surprising," said Pike hesitantly. "It's just weird."

"How weird?" asked Leonard a little piqued. 

"I want to eat you," Pike whispered into his hair, "To taste your blood and chew your muscle. I don't know why--and I'm not going to act on it-- I just want you to know it." He said hastily.

Leonard turned around to stare at Pike. "That's weird."

Pike looked a little regretful. "Yeah."

"If you found the impulse unstoppable, you should talk to the CMO--which is me. Right. SO--"

"I said I'm not going to act on it." Pike interrupted stiffly.

"Have you ever--"

"No."

"Do you want to try it?" asked Leonard annoyed. 

Now it's Pike's turn to stare. "Leonard, it's just a fantasy."

"I know," said Leonard, "and the best way to kill a fantasy is to fulfill it."

Pike breathed deeply. "What if I find I actually like it?"

"Then we can start treatment as soon as possible," said Leonard. "I think you have a old-fashioned razor, right?"

"It's in the medicine cabinet," said Pike flatly. "If I know that you are going to fulfill it, I would choose the one where you walk around with a remote control dildo in your ass all day--"

"You don't even have a dildo on board!" shouted Leonard from the washroom, searching for the razor Pike shaved him with once. He turned around whe he heard no response. "You don't have one, do you?" He asked incredulously.

"But I have one in my apartment," said Pike seemingly casually, "If you are interested."

Leonard opened his mouth then shuted it up with an audible click. Suddenly the room felt too crowded; he felt so disoriented like being threw into a running washing machine. He tried to calm himself down. "Blood and meat, right?"

Pike nodded hesitantly.

Leonard grabbed the medkid and the razor then returned to the bed. He passed the razor to Pike, who searched his face before taking the razor. He tested the sharp blade thoughtfully.

"Well?" asked Leonard impatiently.

A feather-like kiss landed on his outstretching arm instead of the cutting pain. "Are you angry?" asked Pike lightly.

Leonard pulled away his arm and glared at Pike, who looked slightly confused. "Did Jim talk to you again?"

"I thought we are not supposed to talk about other people in bed?" Pike frowned. 

"You started it!"

"I didn't. I was merely asking you if you are angry." Pike pointed out.

Leonard huffed out again. "That's why people shouldn't talk during sex," he said stiffly moments later. "Our brains don't multitask."

"I will take it as an apology, " said Pike.

"It is," Leonard admitted.

They sat there like that for a while, then Pike sighed. "Come here."

Leonard lay down beside him slowly. Pike buried his head in the nape of Leonard's neck. "I never want to upset you," he said gently.

Leonard didn't answer as he was indeed angry now. He knew that the ever growing anger overwhelming any other underlying emotions was but a self-protection mechanism, and he had no intention to deal with it. Pike sighed against his shoulder. "Please talk to me, Leonard."

"Well, you said yourself that you have no right to ask me to suppress my feelings," snapped Leonard.

"I'm not asking you to suppress them; I'm asking you to let them out." Pike tried again.

"You are not my therapist either."

"Then what am I to you?" asked Pike.

"What am _I_ to you?" asked Leonard rhetorically. "Someone convenient, I presume. So stop pretending you care and waste no more time, shall we?"

"I do care," insisted Pike. "If you can't control yourself--"

"Then what?" snapped Leonard, "Are you going to give me a talk like a just and fair Captain? The Captain who didn't lay his hand on me whenever he want?"

"Leonard," warned Pike.

"Don't you Leonard me!" Leonard sharply turned away. He knew he was being unreasonable but he didn't care. He was always a master of destroying close relationship, and he did the same thing again: "You can't expect me to respect you after what you did, _Captain_ ; and you have no one else to blame but yourself for picking me out of all the people, you should have known that I am a trouble!"

"I apologize for the first time when you are in no shape to give consent," said Pike tensely, "And I would not argue if you decide to report me. But please, Leonard, you do not want to break what we have--"

"No," interrupted Leonard. He turned around to face Pike, to watch the moment when the faltering hope dies out. "No, there's nothing to break: we are just strangers using each other to escape from the reality."

Pike's face turned cold before he nodded stiffly. "So that's it, then," he said with an air of finality. "I knew it's never meant to last but--You are dismissed."

"Aye, Captain," Leonard drawled mockingly before he picked up his clothes and shut himself in the washroom. He quickly put on his uniform and breathed deeply. He opened the door, half-heartedly hoping that Pike would stop him, but he said nothing as Leonard walked out the door. Leonard was too stubborn to stop and apologize for what he just said; and he wouldn't know how to fix it anyway. 

He went back to his chamber which he hadn't had time to get used to. The bed felt cold and empty and the ceiling hanged too low. Everything is so uncomfortable and reassuring. Leonard fell asleep quickly that night.


End file.
